If you want to have a good day, go to downtown Iowa City for lunch with people watching on your agenda. Today, I went in to Taco Bell to grab a quick cheesy bean and rice burrito or two and, as usual, fine upstanding citizens were dining there. They’ve really hit their target market with “The Fourth Meal.” Their next slogan should be, “It’s Cheap, You’ll Eat It!”
There was a family in front of me and the children were behaving the manner you would expect for children who dine regularly with their family at Taco Bell. They were three girls and I believe I heard the name Brittany and Courtney if that tells you anything.
I knew being behind them with one person taking orders, it was going to be a while so I thought I better just sit back and enjoy the show. Mom was rocking what appeared to be a knockoff version of those FOX motocross jerseys tucked in to some sweet mom jeans. Dad seemed like he was just along for the ride to get his “Grandy thing” (rhymes with “Randy”). The man wanted the new Grande Quesadilla with the real meat (steak) and the thicker panadero* bread. However, he did not know how to say “quesadilla” and so he told the cashier he never liked trying to say it. He ordered by pointing at the promotional sign.
The daughters all knew what variation of kid’s meal they wanted and when it came time for drinks, Mom said what they wanted. She seemed hellbent on making them all get Sierra Mist. One daughter pointed at the Mug Root Beer sticker and said she wanted root beer. Mom just slapped her hand down and said, “No, Sierra Mist.” I don’t know this family and I have already passed the point of withholding righteous judgment. What I don’t understand is what’s the difference between Sierra Mist and Mug? Are the lemon and lime flavors somehow going to pass the healthy qualities of fruit to the girls? Is root beer too similar to beer which will turn them all in to raging alcoholics? I figured it was the former but if that’s true Mom and Dad weren’t leading by example because they both got the largest Mountain Dew possible.
One of the girls wanted a water, too. Mom said, “No, you can get ice with your Sierra Mist and when you’re done with your pop the ice will turn into water.” I wish I made that one up because I’ve been resolving to do more creative things.
I finally got to order when they went to sit down. Their order was called several times and eventually the oldest daughter and Mom came running up to get it. Mom immediately said, “This isn’t all of it.” Dad’s “grandy thing” wasn’t there. She barreled through the long line to speak directly with who took her order (as well as 30 other people’s order) to ask her if she did or did not hear her about the grande quesadilla. At this point, all I could think was “Say ‘order # 147’. Say ‘order # 147’.” So I could get my burritos before seeing Mom “do the Dew” to a cashier’s face. I made it out without feeling any more embarrassed for someone.
The sad thing is I could write about other characters from that 10-minute visit but this one overshadowed the children having sword fights with plastic forks, shouting “Destructor” and using business people and students waiting in line as shields.
* I Wikipediaed that one because I never know what they are saying in the ads
