The Toadless Boy

It’s unfounded stereotype time!

My dad likes to use stereotypes frequently and he always defends them with some “quote” about a horse being the most likely to win the race. I’m not sure the quote but I came up with a generalized idea of the quote.

I’m full of stereotypes myself. I find them hilarious. Sometimes I will even make a stereotype that I don’t even understand just because I’ve heard it before. I mostly take it too far. The easiest targets are the ones that are good at stereotypes themselves: conservatives.

• Did you know every conservative loves similes using “as a”? Seriously. I think every usage of the term “dumb as a box of rocks” (except now) on the Internet is reserved for people like State29 and that conservative Asian blogger (I forget her name). ***EDIT: Her name is Michelle Malkin and she sucks*** Yesterday I read this one: mad as a box of mittens. I don’t know what’s worse: people are writing lame phrases like this or people are actually finding them amusing.
• Every person named Kevin is conservative. I’m actually curious about how founded this is but every time I meet a Kevin it seems they are a conservative weinerdog. I’ve done some very unscientific Facebook research with no conclusive evidence (except that there are some liberals named Kevin). I could understand something like everybody named Ronald Reagan Fore (or insert last name) would be conservative because of their obviously conservative upbringing.
• Conservatives have a “look.” J and I typically describe it as a “weinerdog” but it’s really hard to describe without pointing it out specifically. Like when I found out Pat Sajak was a conservative, I exclaimed, “He looks like a conservative.” I think it’s the way their hair grows on their head. Or maybe that their mama dresses them funny. I mean there are the obvious things that are just conservative ways to dress. But like the lighter the khakis the more likely they are conservative. I think alot of it is the hair though. I just can’t pinpoint it. An “attractive” conservative (there happen to be quite a few of them) are just that really boring kind of attractive. You know, the kind my mom would say, “Oh she’s pretty” or “Oh he’s handsome” to. Like Jessica Simpson or George Bush for that matter.

***EDIT:  Damn, I keep thinking of more.

• That term “moonbat.”  Moonbat? If you focus on everybody who has the time and balls to stand with a picture of Hitler and Bush side by side all day probably is a moonbat. Have you ever seen a protestor on any side that you are like “that guy seems pretty sane, I’d love to have a beer with him.”
• Also, very common with conservative bloggers is the “block quotes as proof” idea. Man if I had a dime everytime I read a block quote copy of an entire article that they are opposing (I guess to flesh out their poor writing) followed by “What a moonbat!”  Dude that isn’t a blog entry.  That’s a comment you should keep to yourself or make on that person’s blog.  This one is very State29-like but it’s not State29 exclusive (see Michelle Malkin and that Jane Galt lady and people who have responded to Jayne’s brilliantly written editorials.
• Conservatives love The Daily Show even in the current administration. Less of a stereotype, more of a “what the hell?” kind of thing
• Conservatives love Ann Coulter. I don’t get it. I mean, yeah, her long muscly legs are hot and all, but why does she appeal strictly to conservatives?
• They also love Miracle Whip on their sandwiches and washcloths in their bathtubs.

Man, stereotypin’ wears you out. I don’t know how you conservatives do it all the time.

The Old Capitol Mall brings many a gift at the fresh start of a school year. As J and I strolled through to “Okkso” (now CVS), we saw all the normal attractive Asians, jean-shorted grad students and emo guy who works at J’s Fish and Chips peddling sushi (I guess, technically it’s fish).

We saw a well-known trans-individual celeb getting a manicure at a “nail place.” But most importantly, we saw AC/DC walking hand in hand. They probably don’t know we even read their blogs; they probably do now. I don’t think it’s a huge deal that we read their blog and aside from Aprille being very good about updating daily, there’s no cause for them to be considered celebs. But when we saw them together, it might as well have been Beyonce and that guy she dates (I forget which rap mogul). We both hit each other repeatedly real fast like, “LOOK! LOOK!”

At Ransom and Angie’s wedding it was like a walk on the red carpet with all the blog celebs we saw.

It must be nice to be a celebrity and not even know it.

I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I jumped to quick conclusions but I can’t see any reason why this statement would be false: this is my favorite movie.

Maybe I’ve always longed for something to come along that would keep me from a blanket answer of “well American Beauty wasn’t bad” or “I’ll watch Shawshank Redemption when it comes on TV.” But this movie was excellent.

J and I saw it the day it came out in Iowa City last Friday (about three weeks after it really came out). Aside from some sort of thriller or action part I may rarely crave, I felt like this movie had everything I wanted. It had some cathartically depressing moments; it had bawl out loud crying; and it had cry out loud laughing. At the end of the movie, I was catching my breath from all three.

Every single character was simple but developed. It may seem like typical indie/low-budget fashion to make a cast of “lovable losers” but that wasn’t completely it. Every person could have pleased the Protestant work ethic-inistas too. They all had a goal, be it lofty or stupid, in their life and nothing was going to stop them from achieving it.

Steve Carell was great (I’m not a huge fan beyond Michael Scott [or Scarn]) I railed on kid actors the week before but both “kid” actors in this movie were fantastic. Directorial points were made subtly without having to put it in my face and say “See, Olive is a kind soul because she listened to her sad uncle instead of her overbearing dad.”

Another huge positive of this movie is how it’s strictly not just indie. I would say it’s much more mainstream than other hits like Napoleon Dynamite or even Wes Anderson movies. The humor didn’t seem completely hard to catch, or if it is, maybe I’m just better than you.
Aside from the cast, I went in to this movie knowing pretty much nothing besides one line: “Everybody pretend that they’re normal.” I came out loving it with no prior knowledge so I’m going to try to keep that the same for you. That way maybe it will be your favorite movie.

The other night, my mom asked J and I if we had heard about the uproar over the article in Forbes. She heard about it on the news.

“Yeah,” she said, “the blogs are going crazy about it. Everybody’s blogging everybody.”

I’ve debated writing this but it should be said: I did not like this movie.

I was pretty excited about seeing it. Not so excited that I waited in line opening morning, but I definitely wanted to catch it in theaters. Last Saturday, my brother, his lady, me and my lady caught the 4 o’clock matinee in Coralville.

I had some expectations going in to this movie:

1. It had John C Reilly. I love JCR. To me he is funny whether it is intentional or not.
2. Will Ferrell movies are funny. I have not seen Kicking and Screaming but I celebrate most of his catalog. Even movies such as Wedding Crashers have enjoyable moments when Will Ferrell shows up. “MOM!!!…..THE MEATLOAF!!”
3. The trailer was hilarious.
4. Although it appeared (and was) endearing toward NASCAR, I knew that it would be poking fun at the redneck-itude of the sport. I always love a cheap laugh at the regions in which I grew up.

After the movie, none of these expectations changed. John C Reilly was hilarious. Ricky Bobby was hilarious. The parts that were used in the trailer were still hilarious. And although somewhat appealing to the NASCAR fans, it still ripped on them. (The problem, or possibly a benefit, with the last one is when they made fun of NASCAR, the fans didn’t know it because the aspects they poked fun at are the aspects they are most proud of).

But along with all these met expectations, there were huge blemishes that really hurt the movie:

1. First and most importantly: MOLLY SHANNON?? Who is she threatening to show her unfunny stretch marks to so that she can secure jobs? She did like an even more unfunny, drunk Megan Mullally impression throughout the movie.
2. Kid actors. Kid actors can be good. It is typically rare but it is possible that they don’t completely tarnish the movie and turn it in to Cheaper By the Dozen 3. The only funny part about the Bobby children was their names. Those kids were terrible. Also, the young Ricky Bobby kid was straight up annoying. If it is necessary to have a kid actor, get a good one. If not, write around them but the Bobby children were actually given lines for comic effect, not to help the plot. I know it is just a comedy film but I want to laugh, not cringe, when people say their lines.
3. The most important thing that hurt my experience of this movie was the crowd. That’s not completely the movie’s fault. Anyway, I feel strongly about this one so I am going to exit the numbering scheme and devote some paragraphs to it.

I knew going in to a “NASCAR” movie, I would encounter NASCAR fans. I am not some sort of uptight liberal that has never seen a NASCAR fan except when I’m at the State Fair (merely to stump for Dennis Kucinich or something). I was born in to redneckdom. My parents, their family and myself have spent our lives in West Virginia, Kentucky and Missouri. Come on though, I went to a matinee in Coralville a few miles from Iowa City. I thought I would see some college students or someone under the age of 25 (who wasn’t the 4 year old in front of me that yelled out during a quiet moment, “They had sex!!”) I guess it was a matinee so the crowd was going to be a little older. But it was like old grumpy people who would always talk about “responsibility” and “values.”

Will Ferrell movies are not high brow comedy but they aren’t low brow either. They are aware of the world and they can make social commentary, even if its a “the French are gay” joke. But man this crowd could not handle the gay jokes. Even the request of a kiss from one man to another made the crowd groan and cringe. So did a male-on-male butt grab. But when that male-on-male kiss happened (hope I didn’t give away the movie) the crowd groaned for its entirety. One older gentleman could even be heard saying out loud, “Oh gross, I think I’m going to be sick.” We had our own little Ignatius Reilly with us.

There were a few positives that were not expected:

1. Why didn’t anybody mention Sacha Baron Cohen was in this movie? Is it supposed to be a surprise? Did I ruin it?
2. The John C. Reilly/Will Ferrell relationship was even better than expected. I would have preferred to see more of a buddy comedy. Other folks have some ideas on funny lines but the indisputable funniest line is where JCR calls up Ricky Bobby and asks him how to get the TV volume to turn up when he’s listening to the stereo. When Ricky asks why on Earth he would want to do that, JCR responds, “Because I like to party.” The second funniest line came from the 4 year old in the audience. Damn was she hyper.

I left the theater angry at the crowd and not very entertained by the movie. I know others would disagree.

I walked over to the Cambus office today and in doing so sought shelter from the rain under Nile Kinnick’s new stadium. It looks really cool. It even smells new.

The most impressive part is walking back out of the Cambus office in the west stadium parking lot I was facing a broad cliff that says “Kinnick Stadium” and “University of Iowa Hawkeyes.” I don’t know where a visitor parks to tailgate (if at all) but if they are standing in the west lot they are sure to be intimidated. That’s a cliff of fans before them that are going to make it pretty hard on their offense.

I really am not a fan enough to be willing to pay the high prices for tickets but I was even getting excited. It’s basketball season I’m really holding out for though.

I’m at it again. Being saddened and pissed off at the rape of statistics on the Internet. I feel so strongly about it that if I wasn’t aware of Godwin’s Law I would totally compare it to Nazi Germany.

I frequent the Digg “webpage” (I read an article that called PureVolume a “page”) and right now I am in the market for a cell phone and plan, so my ears are on high alert when “cell phone” is mentioned. This article caught my eye.

Digg is awesome because it allows anyone to post some interesting article to it. If the article is worth reading (according to other users) then it is moderated to appear at the top (or front). The downside of Digg is it allows anyone to post something to the site and add their own headline and blurb. Most articles that make it are worth looking at (if they interest you) but most headlines and blurbs are ridiculous.

The linked article in this case was a Yahoo! News link and the article wasn’t that exciting or clearly written. One interesting thing it said is that 80% of a user’s phone calls on a mobile are to an average of four people. That is a bit different than the way the headline on Digg reads or even the way the lead at the start of the Yahoo! story “leads” you to believe.

I can totally see a majority of your cell phone calls going to only 4 people. But people only calling an average of four people would be amazing. I could see grandma and grandpa bringing down the average some but still they would at least have to call a few people.

Again, an interesting statistic has gone ruined by someone misunderstanding, sensationalizing and then misrepresenting the information on the Internet.

Much more will be said about Lollapalooza I’m sure but I wanted to beat Jayne to the punch on this one.

A few weeks ago, Salieri wrote about Wil Wheaton getting a chance to play the second coming of Guitar Hero at E3 or some shit.  He talked about some cool features including co-op play.  Well Jayne and I were wandering around Grant Park between sets when we stopped by the Mindfield where a supposed Guitar Hero competition was supposed to be happening.  I expected to hear “Bark at the Moon” being cranked but instead some dude was singing “Rio” to the new SingStar game (which looked pretty cool itself).

I stepped up to a Sony rep (we shared some kind of weird bond) and asked her “what the deal is?  Where is my Guitar Hero?”  She told me they weren’t having the comp but “we have SingStar at the Playstation booth and Guitar Hero too.”

I made sure I wasn’t mishearing her say Guitar Hero 2.  She said that they have the demo of the new, unreleased one.  I believe Jayne and I skipped all the way to the tent.

We got to play “Psychobilly Freakout” by Reverend Horton Heat in co-op mode (she played bass, I played guitar) and then we came back for more with “Strutter” by Kiss (she played lead and I played rhythm guitar).  We rocked on both.

The only things I saw were like 7 songs on their E3 demo.  The songs we played above, “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath, “XXY”, “You Really Got Me”, “John the Fisherman” by Primus and then one other were the 7 that I saw.  I can’t wait and I hope they do even more cool things by release time.